Taking a tour…

Disclaimer the first: I am hungry and therefore somewhat grumpy
Disclaimer the second: I’m probably going to exaggerate in the name of comedy.

Woad body art

Today saw the first tour of one of the locally available birthing units in the area. On the agenda today was Wythenshawe Hospital and the tour was led by Margaret Biddle. I note her name here for Mrs.Misadventurer who has already voiced a desire not to have her as her midwife come the actual day.

The unit itself looks modern, Mrs.Misadventurer tells me it was opened in 2011 and it shows. There are five rooms with birthing pools available, and 11 birthing suites with only a bed in them. The unit is located next door to surgery for planned and unplanned c-sections, and the post and ante-natal wards look standard as far as I can tell.

That’s the factual bit over and done with. Now I shall get on to the comedic aspects.

For the love of Tea, who the hell schedules an hour and a half session for 15 third trimester pregnant women with NO seats and NO scheduled toilet breaks? By the end Mrs.Misadventurer had that combined pained/rage look upon her face. I made sure I was not standing between her and the bathroom by the time she finished.

The talk itself was terrible. Really, really terrible. Both Mrs.Misadventurer and I are trainers, and we both find it hard to bite our lips when we attend something that isn’t delivered well. Our combined recommendations to Ms.Biddle are:

1. Keep it structured. Know what you’re going to say, say it, and then say it again.
2. Have a schedule. Don’t just have a vague sense of what you’re going to say, plan it out. If you’re able to, build in timings. If not, just know what you need to talk about next.
3. Keep it simple. The room is filled with anxious people who need reassurance. They don’t need to all the complexities, an overview is enough.
4. Don’t make it scary. Whilst I am a biomedical geek and Mrs.Misadventurer is made of stern stuff, others in the audience aren’t. Therefore there is no need to pass round the medical tool used for breaking the waters or the foetal scalp electrodes that may be attached in situ. Equally, passing these implements round with the words ‘oh, don’t look at them if you can’t cope’ is no help at all.
5. Keep it short. 15 third trimester women need rest and bathroom breaks. Keep your sessions short and keep rapport with the audience. It’s pretty easy to tell when they need a break and to pee.
6. You’re running the show. Starting each session with ‘What do you want to know?’ does not help us. It’s not obvious to the uninitiated what the equipment does, or what the room is for. Tell us about it, and then see if we have any questions.

I found myself also surprised by seemingly how few men seem to have elected to be birth partners in Wythenshawe. I base this on the talk of birth partners being Mothers, Sisters and Friends and partners last. I know I have several midwife chums, can any of you comment on who is usually the birth partner?

Oh, and wow, the birth unit is warm. Very warm indeed. I came dressed for the current snowy weather, so spending an hour and a half in a roasting maternity unit has made me decide that when I am keeping Mrs. Misadventurer company, I shall be doing it either wearing my kilt (for air cooling), or entirely skyclad covered in woad and bellowing ‘FREEDOM!’. Since Mrs.Misadventurer is allowed to be as clad or unclad as she likes, I merely wish to take advantage of this progressive attitude to clothing. I shall now be asking all the maternity units we visit if I am able to come dressed in this way.

Finally, I shall pass the keyboard to Mrs.Misadventurer for her commentary and opinions. Over to you dear…

I really do agree with everything the Gentleman Misadventurer has written. I train people for a living and the midwife’s training style was absolutely appalling. No structure, no rapport building, no voice projection, no consideration for 15 heavily pregnant women standing up for 1.5 hours. As already stated, I do not want her near me during the birth as her mere presence would frustrate and irritate me!

On the plus side, it was nice to see that Wythenshawe Hospital’s maternity unit was very modern and having the birthing suite next to the delivery suite in case of complications was a nice reassurance. It’s a shame you can’t guarantee one of the birthing suite rooms though but I can appreciate that babies have their own timetable and will come out when they choose to rather than sticking to a planned delivery date!

And finally, if the Gentleman Misadventurer wishes to be my birth partner completely skyclad then I shall support him in that endeavour The rooms were certainly hot enough for it and I feel that midwives should respect the personal choice of not only the pregnant woman but also their birth partners in how much clothing they choose to wear or not wear as the case may be

Mirrored from Never a dull moment. Please leave comments there thank you!